Bread for the Journey

Once upon a time…a few days ago…our daughter was swallowed up by the ocean. She was spit out pretty quickly or her mom would have had more time to react. I just saw a wave gradually growing larger behind a smiling daughter. She was all set to ride it when it made a sudden lunge, she disappeared, head and feet rolled near the shore, and seconds later I grabbed her hand. Scratches and a head full of water later, she recovered and, now, has a tale to tell. I would guess she is also a bit changed.

When I get roughed up and beaten down, it hurts at the time, but looking back, those moments are often transformational. Those are moments when I have learned to listen in the depths. I am thankful the ocean spewed her back out onto dry land.

I called to the Lord out of my distress, and he answered me…all your waves and your billows passed over me. The waters closed in over me; the deep surrounded me…I remembered the Lord; and my prayer came to you. – from Jonah

Today I practiced careful listening. Although I usually try to do this, it’s not easy. My mind tends to get cluttered with thoughts; more noticeable when I listen to other people, to the sounds of nature, to silence. When my ears turn toward things other than myself, what I hear is unexpected. Even when listening to familiar things, like a known piece of music, hearing subtle nuances reminds me of the importance of staying centered.

So this morning as I walked to and from the bay, every time I felt a breeze, smelled the marshlands, or heard the song of an unfamiliar bird, I brushed away the clutter and listened. Whispers of the Spirit are blowing everywhere, and I don’t want to miss them.

It was low tide when I took my morning walk by the bay. As I rounded the bend, I looked down to find the little creatures that cause me to smile every year. Fiddler crabs. The first time I noticed them, many years ago, it looked as if the rich, brown, fertile sand was moving. When I stopped walking, the “sand” stopped. Looking more closely, I saw the camouflaged sea creatures, most carrying one huge white claw. The claws were waving this morning. Were they practicing morning stretches? Were they conducting the birds or waving good morning to me? Were they just being?

So God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves, of every kind, with which the waters swarm, and every winged bird of every kind. And God saw that it was good. – Genesis 1:21

Finally gaining strength after weeks of fighting something, I am grateful for my health. I thought of all the nutrients that are advocates for our bodies. I don’t know exactly how they collaborate with us, but in viewing the beautiful complexity of vitamin C molecules, there is so much I will never know. What I do know is there’s something much greater at work in our lives.

Day two. We had a bit of a scare last night when I smelled and then saw smoke pouring from a light after turning the electricity on. So we turned it all off, which still meant no water. My husband stayed up for a long while making sure things were safe. Today, after returning from a coffee (and bathroom) run, driving through tall weeds, I noticed small, bright yellow flowers scattered throughout the lawn. Those spots of creation brought a bit of light to the cold, dark, rainy day. A glimpse of brighter hours ahead? Whatever comes, God’s love is steadfast. 

I will sing of your steadfast love, O Lord, forever; with my mouth I will proclaim your faithfulness to all generations. –Psalm 89:1

Many unexpected changes happened today. As we traveled 1300 miles across the country we learned that several family members are unable to join us for various reasons. So we cancelled a bus ticket, a hotel, and a rental car reservation. Then, we changed our route to pick up our daughter in the final hours of our destination. When we arrived to open up the house, the electricity did not work. This meant we couldn’t turn on the water which uses an electric pump to bring up the well water. Without this basic necessity, dinner plans changed. Darkness was quickly descending, so we checked out our favorite beach. This too is changed. Several storms this past year caused the ocean to break through the dunes. This breach required the complete removal of one large beach house and is now threateningly close to some others as well as a fresh water river.

Changes that re-adjust plans can also change us; plans that always run smoothly don’t provide opportunities for growth through challenging circumstances. Learning to live with and smooth out rough edges allows us to be transformed into something wonderful and new, like a pearl.

Someone “yelled” at me today because I checked my work email while on vacation. I chuckled because as soon as I pressed “send” I knew I could have waited to respond. I know he was joking…sort of, but it was so tempting to check on work-related things!

Benedictine monks follow the Rule of Saint Benedict. As a Benedictine oblate, I also try to observe this Rule. We practice “Ora et Labora”; prayer and work. It can be tempting to work too much, but there have been times in my life when I’ve poured out more than I’ve been filled. Sometimes it takes a friend or co-worker to help me be mindful of the importance of maintaining this balance. I know in my heart this is true. Let’s listen to and help each other.

Today I boiled my water so long the teapot screamed at me from the other room. I once read how the Chinese use descriptive terminology, much of which draws on sea life, to determine the temperature of water by sight when boiling water for tea. “Shrimp eyes” describes the look of 160-170 degree water with tiny bubbles. “Crab eyes” and “fish eyes” describe progressively larger bubbles as the water gets hotter. Then there’s “rope of pearls” and “raging torrent!” How clever to describe boiling bubbles this way. It’s challenging for me to cook and bake without measuring ingredients. If I practice a more keen sense of observation, maybe I could eventually rely less on tools and technology. If I had more faith in my abilities and creativity, could I do away with thermometers and measuring cups? The more I observe God at work in my life each day, the more confidence I grow in courage and strength. Maybe someday I’ll try “measureless cooking.” But for now I like the comfort of my screaming teapot.

This past week has been full of business and prayer. Many have appreciated the presence of a quiet, peaceful space to spend time with God. Now months of planning are over, words are not necessary, and it’s time to rest in God.

They began naked; adorned with only leaves. Now their branches are laden with strips of fabric of all sizes and colors, but they are more than just ornaments. Each piece contains a prayer from someone who visited the prayer room this past week at General Assembly. I watched as people carefully selected a piece of cloth. Some wrote messages and dipped them in the font before hanging them on the trees. Another person I spoke with visited the room multiple times to pray. He told me his story while his hand was wrapped with a cloth in prayer. He tightly held that prayer in love and came back each day to pray again and again. Even on the final day as we were disassembling the room, he showed up to take another piece of cloth to pray with. I don’t know what he held in prayer or who he prayed for, but I do know that his faith is deep and God is listening.