Bread for the Journey

This morning as I was trying to pray, sounds of hammering cut through the silence as construction progressed at our neighbor’s home. At the same time, leaves were being raked and sucked up along our streets by that large vacuum on wheels. A moaning lawnmower and clashing garbage cans added to the cacophony of sounds intruding my daily quiet time with God.

“Peace be within you” from today’s Morning Psalm 122, resonated more than ever. I remember the first time the depth of the word “within” in this Psalm was revealed to me. As if we are infused by peace, not just with peace.

Outside noises are dismissed as we accept them. Allowing God to dwell within us, all is calm.

Tonight a super moon is illuminating the sky. I love how gazing at it we can feel closer to friends and family across the world.

This Advent moon reminds me of a hymn we sang in worship this morning as the first Advent candle was lit on the wreath.

Christ, be our light! Shine in our hearts. Shine through the darkness. Christ, be our light! Shine in your church gathered today. ~ Bernadette Farrell

I will try to carry the vision of this moon with me throughout the week as a reminder that Christ shines in my heart and I can reflect that light to others.

I took a walk today in the muted autumn sun. Although 60 degrees, the bare naked branches declared the arrival of winter soon approaching. Twelve years ago, I experienced a winter of my soul.

Attending a convention in Nashville, I will never forget the look of terror and fear in my eyes as I observed my reflection in the hotel mirror. While there, I sought the help of a spiritual director because I felt I wasn’t praying enough in my daily life. She told me not to feel guilty, but to “just light a candle as a simple act of remembering God.”

Desperately searching for a candle and matches while out of town, I found some at a nearby store. Returning to my room, I wept and prayed my own psalms to God throughout the night. I prayed that God might give me direction in my life because, at the moment, I felt as though I wasn’t really living. As I drove home, I saw the old beloved Busch Stadium crumbling to the ground. It seemed symbolic of my dry, cracked, dying soul.

One of the courses I had signed up for at the conference was, providentially, full and the class I took instead was called “Becoming the Beloved: Healing Our Identity in God.” In this class I learned various contemplative ways to pray and was astounded at how God spoke to me through prayer. The Holy Spirit touched me, then, in a way I had never experienced before. This was a huge turning point in my spiritual journey.

Returning home, I felt fractured and vulnerable and, through my despair, realized I had lost touch of who God created me to be. God was there all along, but I didn’t know to ask for help and I didn’t think I needed help. Yet my experiences and conversations with God in the secret corners of my heart were real. This was the beginning of my deep conviction in God’s amazing grace.

A friend gave me an Advent tea calendar and I am so excited to taste 24 different varieties of tea between now and Christmas! What’s really cool is that she has the calendar, too, so each day we will connect over our morning cup.

This morning’s tea was called “Let it Snow!” With unusually warm weather for this time of year, it’s fun to imagine drinking this tea on a cold, snowy day.

Tea has varying levels of importance in different societies and cultures. It is frequently offered to visitors and is even thought of as a necessity and a builder of relationships. Necessity becomes habit and habit becomes ritual. Moments taken in rituals and relationships are necessary ways of life.

I love that, through this calendar, tea ritual can be associated with the observance of Advent and Christmas. The tea I look forward to enjoying each morning will become a special time of sharing with my friend.

Each morning I practice contemplative prayer such as lectio divina (sacred reading) or centering prayer (similar to meditation). Before praying, I become aware of any tension I might have in my body.

I ask myself, “What do I hear in my tension?” Then I listen and ask God, “What can I do with this tension?” and “Where are you leading me?”

After asking these questions, I relax the parts of my body that are tense. Then, more focused to receive God’s word and confident that I don’t have to journey alone, I listen with an open heart and inclined ear.

It is everywhere. Sometimes it is welcome; other times not so much. It has the power to move us to tears or to dance. It is full of mystery. It fills the world with emotion. If we cannot hear it, we can feel it. And when we can hear it, each of us feels something different. Every living soul is rooted in it. There is no right or wrong way to experience it.

I am speaking of music, but I could be speaking of God.

A moment is all it takes. Today someone said a kind word to me and that brief moment stayed with me for hours. A willingness to think of someone else can be such a powerful moment. Feeling the energy of that instant reminds me of its influence and motivates me to do the same for someone else.

Go to the world! Go into every place. Go live the word of God’s redeeming grace. Go seek God’s presence in each time and space. Alleluia. ~ Sylvia Dunstan

Today’s threshold into evening was filled with a majestic persimmon sunset painting the sky a vivid orange. I only regret not taking the time to gaze and reflect on God’s stunning creation in a prayerful moment of visio divina; divine seeing. Yet this glorious vision has stayed with me all evening.

On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate. Psalm 145:5

Today our church celebrated Christ the King Sunday. This feast reminds us that Christ’s kingship is not based on “human power” but on loving and serving others. The text to one of the hymns we sang was written by Sylvia Dunstan, who served others through prison ministry. In her “Christus Paradox”, she writes about how various images of Christ seem to be in tension with each other; “both Lamb and Shepherd”, “worthy in peace and strife”, “our death and life”.

Singing the line, “you who are both gift and cost”, I thought about my choice to become a Benedictine oblate. An oblate is someone whose life becomes an offering of self to God. Oblates strive to seek God and the glory of God in the routine of daily life and in whomever they meet, and they extend Benedictine values into the daily world in which they live.

I became an oblate after much discernment and prayer. I knew it would come with cost; sacrifices of time and leading to places unknown. Weaving regular time with God into a busy life seemed overwhelming, yet the more I have woven prayer into each day the more I desire to praise God and follow where Christ is leading me. The resulting love and joy are gifts worthy of any sacrifice. And each day when I write a new post for this journal, it is my evening offering and prayer to God.

Holy God, May we accept your grace and extend your love to others, so that all may be welcomed into your kingdom. Amen

When our children were young, their grandmother gave them the book, “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt”, by Michael Rosen. Reading this story became a favorite part of their birthday parties each year.

As the family in the book searches for the bear, they encounter obstacles on their journey; “long, wavy grass”, “a deep, cold river”, “thick, oozy mud”, “a big dark forest”, “a swirling whirling snowstorm”, and “a narrow gloomy cave”. They cannot avoid these things and, as they approach each obstacle, they exclaim, “We can’t go over it. We can’t go under it. Oh no! We’ve got to go through it!”

I think of my journey as “going on a life hunt.” Many of us seek a meaningful life, but how do we begin?

In our search for a life of height, depth, and breadth we must go through the hard stuff. We cannot avoid certain experiences, such as illness, catastrophe, and loss, yet other experiences require us to choose a path. The rocky ones often include difficult choices yet eventually lead to fulfillment. With God, we are not alone. We don’t need to be afraid. Facing challenges and practicing spiritual disciplines, such as prayer, leads to opportunities for learning and growth and new life in Christ.

I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39