Bread for the Journey

Jennifer Hayes, painter

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Tonight I attended an amazing collaboration at the St. Louis Art Museum. Ken Kulosa performed three cello suites by J. S. Bach, while two dancers and a painter artistically expressed the music. I was amazed at the stamina and musicality of the cellist and the strength and emotion displayed by the dancers. The painter, well, I remember taking art classes, horrified if my projects were seen before completion. This artist painted with the music, right in front of us on the stage, displaying some great courage. Beginning with a somewhat blank canvas she added layer after layer of various strokes and colors, using different tools including her fingers. I have been given a blank canvas in life. I have the freedom to choose what colors and strokes I use. With this knowledge, what could ever hold me back from anything I hope to create in life?

My dad has always loved a good mystery. Poirot is one of his favorites. He has a mind for solving things and over the years frequently received gifts of puzzles; flat and three dimensional. In my research on labyrinths I learned of an ancient mystery in a parched corner of Peru. Around 500 A.D., single-line labyrinthine shapes, Nazca lines, were “drawn” on the floor of the San José pampa plains. These mysterious lines and drawings of plants and animals can only be seen from an aerial view. The animal lines at Nasca were walked to assume the power of that animal. The 45-yard spider has been identified with a particular female spider which carries her eggs only on a certain leg, the next to last leg on the right-hand side. This fact was verified with a microscope in the 1950’s and is the same leg that forms the entrance and exit of this large walking path. The Nascan people believed that by walking the lines they could pick up the powerful energy of the spider. They entered and exited the labyrinth spider at a point which focuses on fertility, reproduction, and continuation of the species.

How did these ancient people know that this spider carries her eggs only on that particular leg? They must have had a keen sense of observation to discover this without the help of a microscope. This mystery may never be solved or explained. Just like faith.

Maybe the air caressed my skin like velvet because it finally felt like spring. Just yesterday I wore a scarf and gloves. Acclimated to winter for so long, it was as if my body had gone into hibernation. Today it rejoiced!

Playing the organ, the suede-soled shoes allow my feet just enough friction and sensation to locate the correct notes as they glide over the pedal board.

The smell and texture of bread dough…simple yet complex. Flour and salt, bonded together by water, kneaded, becoming smooth and supple. Simple ingredients transformed. It seems to me that’s how God works in our lives, transforming every day occurrences into sacred experiences.

When all of the stops are pulled out, some organs struggle to maintain enough air pressure. I’ve played on instruments like this and have wanted to help them out. If only I could offer support by pumping the bellows!

When I commit to too many things my energy is spent and it’s difficult to focus. Sometimes these busy times occur without my own choosing. In those times, I refuel my energy by turning to God in prayer. God seems to know just what I need through words, music, nature, and through other people willing to listen. That’s all it takes, but it requires me to realize I can’t do it alone. We need each other.

This morning I ran out of a special tea that I make. Bringing together the ingredients, they looked so beautiful; like art. Tulsi (holy basil), turmeric, ginger root, cinnamon chunks, and freshly ground pepper, steeped along with some honey and milk, creates a healthy, tasty combination. “One and the same Spirit was given to us all to drink!” -1 Corinthians 12:13

Each ingredient is a “stand alone” in its own distinctive way. But, rather than overwhelming each other, they work together in harmony. It reminds me of a verse I prayed with yesterday during lectio divina (divine reading), which I invite you to read below. Be aware of a word or phrase that speaks to you, and keep that close to your heart.

Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers and sisters dwell in unity! It is like vistas seen from atop a mountain one has climbed…or like the stillness of a sunset after a long day’s work. It is like a shimmering rainbow, breaking through a summer rain. When men and women dwell in harmony, the star of Truth appears! –Psalm 133 from Psalms for Praying, Nan C. Merrill

I look for beauty in all stages of life. Twisted branches seem wise to me. What causes their gnarly stance? Do they bend because they are old? Are they contorted from fighting the wind? Tangled from dancing and years of adventure? What struggles they must have endured and experienced. They can be storytellers if we listen and imagine. Or maybe that’s just how God created them to be.

Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!

Wandering through mazes filled me with anxiety as a child, especially when I was lost amidst walls of tall hedges. Mazes, with many paths and dead ends, require us to think analytically to solve the puzzle. Labyrinths are both rational and intuitive. When I walk a labyrinth, the single path allows me to clear my mind, allowing me to be more aware of God’s voice and where the Spirit is guiding me in life.

One day I introduced a friend to an outdoor labyrinth. Hoping to have the space to ourselves, I was disappointed when several others were already walking its path. More people joined after we had begun, so there were at least a dozen people walking the labyrinth at once. My previous disappointment changed to a feeling of solidarity. As I walked the labyrinth in silence alongside strangers, at times brushing shoulders with them, I couldn’t help but hold them in prayer for whatever brought them to this sacred path. I don’t know what you are praying for in your life, but God knows. And that is enough.

Silence is God’s first language. ~John of the Cross (15th c.)

I’m embarking on a large project for our church. We will be creating a 26′ labyrinth on octagonal canvas in two weeks! Besides providing an ancient path of prayer for our church members and guests, the labyrinth will also be fulfilling a greater need for prayer at a large Presbyterian gathering in St. Louis this June. I have walked quite a few labyrinths over the years, indoors and out, and each time has been a completely different, transformative experience.

During the last week I’ve spent much time researching how to make canvas labyrinths. I contacted labyrinth makers in California, Connecticut, Indiana and Minnesota, and they all seemed excited to help me with this project. The part that began to overwhelm me was the mathematical section. I kept skipping over that chapter since it made no sense to me. That’s when I called in one of my engineer friends to help. I reached out to another for her skills in detail and painting. And another for her creativity. My husband, bless his heart(!), for whatever else is needed. Yes, this is happening, but not by my hands alone. It’s happening because we as individuals make up the body of the church, and we, gifted in many different ways, will come together to work on this project as one. We will participate in creating this ancient, sacred path so it can be walked in prayer by pilgrims from across the world.

I will be sharing more about this experience in the weeks ahead, but for now if you feel called to ask me about labyrinths or how you might help, please do. Through journey we discover most about ourselves and our faith.

As soon as you enter upon the world of sacred, symbolic, or philosophical geometry – from your first thoughtful construction of a circle with the circumference divided into its six natural parts – your mind is opened to new influences that stimulate and refine it. You begin to see, as never before, the wonderfully patterned beauty of Creation. You see true artistry, far above any human contrivance. This indeed is the very source of art. By contact with it your aesthetic senses are heightened and set upon the firm basis of truth. Beyond the obvious pleasure of contemplating works of nature – the Many – is the delight that comes through the philosophical study of geometry, of moving toward the presence of One. ~John Michel

I often ask myself, “How?” How did I get where I am today in my faith? Looking back I realize how long I’ve been on this journey and how difficult some of the stretches have been. But one constant is that I continue to look for God in everything. Even if it seems small, I have faith that God is in all and wants me to follow the path I am taking. And I never cease to be amazed at God’s creation and love for even me, me who constantly messes up and asks for forgiveness. Because I believe in God’s love so deeply, I know that I will never sink as deep into the pit as I once did. God is always by my side to call on for help. I will continue to cycle through the ups and downs of life, but without the downs I couldn’t celebrate the ups. Corrie Ten Boom said, “There is no pit deep enough that God is not deeper still.” This I believe with my whole heart. Because of this, I live pieces of heaven each day. You may ask, “How can I find heaven on earth too?” And I would say, “I can’t find it for you. Only you can find it for yourself by listening to your heart so deeply that you are able to follow what you hear. Doing this over and over again, you get to experience the unique treasure God has for you. All I can do is show you tools that help me along the way and share stories of my own way of life while walking with Christ by my side. But you must work hard and you must experience it for yourself.”

My husband likes to tell me that I’m always right. We both know it’s not true, but it’s nice to imagine! As a child I felt sad if someone told me I was wrong or couldn’t do something. As an adult I have more self-confidence in acting with conviction. Though I may feel a bit deflated when someone doesn’t agree, I soon regain strength and become more determined than ever; especially when it involves a project that is for the good of others or that allows others to view God with a different perspective. At these times, I work day and night to be God’s hands in the world. That, I believe is right.

With God all things are possible. –Matthew 19:26