Bread for the Journey

Our family photo cards for Christmastide were just mailed. We don’t send out many cards, so why do we continue this tradition?

My dad loves photography. Growing up I remember him taking dozens of photos for our annual Christmas cards. My sister, brother and I complained every year before, during and after these lengthy photo sessions. I remember the smell of his darkroom in the basement. There was a sense of mystery in moving beyond the dark curtain into the special area of unusual photographic smells.

Dad let me use his tongs to immerse the photo paper in the solution. Like magic an image gradually appeared. I remember feeling the resistance of the photos in the chemical bath as clearly as the scent of the vivid vapors. The new photographs, a bit curly around the edges, were then hung to dry.

Dad saved our Christmas cards every year and organized them in an album. Taking these pictures was clearly something he loved and wanted to share with others. It is a memory I will always carry with me, and that’s why we continue to send out Christmas cards. Although Dad had to give away his photography equipment years ago, I am grateful for his patience, deep passion and this gift of his love.

Our daughter was in town for Christmas, but is now heading back to grad school. A few days ago, we said goodbye to 2017 and, last month, grieved the loss of our cat. Letting go can be very difficult, especially of people, pets, and things we love.

When I am able to remember the past, bless it, and move on, I can live in each moment and past burdens are lifted. When I look too far ahead I may feel anxious about the unknown. So I strive to be right where I am now. I try to “be” more than “do”. This can be very difficult, but with practice, it gets easier.

I remember that, when my mother died, I returned to college and kept busy. It wasn’t until nine years later that I allowed myself to grieve her loss. I cried for a solid week. What triggered that emotion was a Stephen Ministry retreat in which I was asked to reflect on an experience. I don’t specifically remember the topic, but what I do remember is someone caring and listening.

There are many times when I “do”, but I’ve learned how important it is to balance them with times to “be”. These are times of peace and healing; a gift from God.

I find joy in discovering new things. How may I refresh and awaken my creativity in the new year?

Sometimes, when reading something familiar, I lose focus on the meaning of the text, but when I purposefully read it in a different way, maybe out loud or slowly, more is revealed. I often do this when reading scripture or praying; when I challenge myself, ordinary things can be illuminated.

The Advent tea calendar I received as a gift became an important lesson for me in opening myself to new experiences and thoughts about habitual things. I didn’t necessarily want to break away from my English Breakfast Tea ritual each morning, yet doing so taught me about diverse tea traditions and cultures.

Rituals, traditions, and routines are comforting, but they are mindless and do not allow me to grow. By challenging myself, I observe and learn using different senses. Rather than mindless eating, I can practice savoring every bite. If I’m stuck in traffic or in a long line, I can choose to let it go. If I hear music or see artwork that I don’t understand I can use my imagination and uncover my own appreciation.

This new year, I will strive to more consciously look for God everywhere and to live in hope and joy.

It is a new year. I’ve made resolutions in the past only to break them not far into the year. As I have tried to live true to who God created me to be, I realize that annual resolutions hold no special significance for me.

Once, walking a labyrinth, I heard God say to me, “Find your voice”. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that message, but I thought about it a lot before deciding to walk the labyrinth again in hopes of hearing more. I did. But this time God said, “Go back to your music”. I laughed and said under my voice, “That would be great, but how? I’m in youth ministry full time.” I stayed open to listening and God found a way. Music, a piece of me that had been hidden for so long, was bursting forth. I had to uncover that gift from God and allow it to shine. It was not a smooth journey, but I am thankful and I continue to learn along the way.

Now I only desire to live a life shining God’s light in the world and that is a resolution of a lifetime. Living in God’s true light brings me great joy, which springs forth so naturally that I cannot control how it is manifested. I know it comes from God, therefore I am not afraid. My deepest joy is to hear and share stories of how God is shining in our lives as we help each other illuminate the light of Christ.

I just saw the latest Star Wars movie with my family. I am not a huge fan of action films, but it’s fun to see these trilogies together.

In this latest movie, I noticed more reflection between the Jedi characters. I saw Christian themes of faithfulness, sacrifice, darkness and light, forgiveness, empowerment, creation, rebirth and love. Ordinary things are transformed into something exceptional and we are reminded that we are part of something larger than ourselves. Rose says to Finn: “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”

The moment I found to be most significant was 7 seconds of silence. Although what happened during this silence was a significant part of the story, it was the silence amidst the action and noise of the rest of the movie that was so impactful to me. Maybe this is a reminder for me to remember to be silent each day. Maybe it is a reminder not to “fight” for what I think I need, but to allow faith and love to guide me. The Holy Spirit will always be with me to guide me and help me to love.

Today is bread baking day and I have ardor and passion for bread. After mise en place, the orderly task of setting all of the ingredients out, the mystery of bread can begin. Adding leaven, or yeast, to just three ingredients, flour, water and salt, creates a living dough that can grow and transform. The feel of it changes as the flour absorbs liquid and the gluten creates a weblike tapestry. Adding fire or heat transforms it further into an edible loaf of bread.

One day, I showed some friends how to bake and sent them home with some dough to nurture and bake for themselves. I received a frantic call later that evening. “Help, Anne! How do I stop the dough? It burst out of the bag and is flowing all over the counter!”

This reminds me of how God takes our faith, which begins as small as a mustard seed or yeast spore, and allows it to grow and grow more than we can imagine. Bread is so ordinary and necessary; full of mystery and sustenance. So is God.

All creation, join in praising God the Father, Spirit, Son, evermore your voices raising to the eternal Three in One: come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ, the newborn king! ~Salisbury Hymn Book, 1857

It has been very cold, so each day we’ve been enjoying a fire in the fireplace; the flames can be mesmerizing. The logs nestled together create such warmth and energy. An escaping ember glows for awhile then soon becomes cold and lifeless.

Relationships also take energy. I used to shy from them. Maybe I feared the closeness. I didn’t feel worthy or didn’t love myself. It wasn’t until I allowed my true self to radiate that I learned to love myself and wanted to love others.

Before growing in relationship with God, I was an ember away from its energy source. When I feel distant from God, it’s because I’m the one who has separated myself from him. I turn to prayer, rekindle my faith, and move closer to God.

Like everyone else, I experience a lot of interruptions in life. Imagining a life otherwise, doesn’t seem possible.

I remember preparing a worship bulletin many years ago and a steady flow of interruptions nearly kept it from being finalized and printed. I became annoyed. What, though, might be the worst outcome? Would it really matter that much to the congregation? Maybe this would be an opportunity to communicate and worship in a different way.

The bulletin did get finished, but I learned. Though each disruption was necessary and a valued opportunity for ministry, without interruptions, life would seem self-centered and meaningless.

Many years ago, the wondrous gift of Jesus’ birth interrupted our lives. Invaluable.

O holy child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray; cast out our sin and enter in; be born in us today. ~Phillips Brooks

Working at a church over the Christmas season is usually not calm. Although this is a busy season for many, it’s important for me to set aside time to rest in God. When I take time to do this, I am filled with spiritual nourishment. Just five or ten minutes of silence is a choice I can reasonably make each day. Now that I have formed this habit, it’s easier to extend this time of silence.

When I first practiced this prayer discipline, I wondered if anything was even happening. That’s because I had my own expectations of God. Looking back, I now know how powerful this time with God could be. It is important that I leave my own expectations behind and give God the gift of my listening ears. Then, I am open to hearing and receiving God’s still, small voice.

When I spend this quiet time with God, in my heart, even if I am surrounded by chaos, all is calm.