Bread for the Journey

A few members of my family take great delight in smelling the pages of new books. I met someone just last week who has the same enjoyment. As she took a huge whiff of the book’s interior, she said it brings back pleasant memories of her school library. Many times, I am reminded of the past by smells or heirlooms.

I just received genealogy results from a kit given to me for Christmas. Some things made me chuckle such as my likelihood of sneezing after eating dark chocolate. Yes, it’s true. I sneeze most days because I keep a stash of dark chocolate in my desk. If you visit me I’ll share with you!

Today, I sorted through many boxes of past memories as we continue to organize our basement. A family quilt hanging in our dining room beckoned me to observe the embroidered blocks more closely. Each quilt pattern, thirty-six blocks in all, was stitched by a different person, and that person either stamped with ink or embroidered their name on the block. In some instances, locations such as Boston and Roxbury, MA; Bangor, ME; and even poetry were included. Some of the individual quilt patterns include “Flying Geese”, “Friendship Star”, “Maltese Cross” and “Jacob’s Ladder”. Although I know very little about quilts, I feel a close connection to family through this special piece of art.

I am grateful to have a family and the ability to learn about my ancestors. I am also grateful to know that I, and we all are, beloved children of God.

Today we celebrated the transfiguration of Christ. Our choir sang a luminous anthem by Gwyneth Walker with text by Delores Dufner, OSB. The organ, arrayed in sparkling registration, painted shimmering light. Music and words urged us to listen to Christ as low voices repeatedly chanted “Hear him! Hear him! Hear him!” The dramatic anthem concluded by singing the powerful message of our hope of glory. We, both singers and listeners, were full participants in the story. The combination of music and text invite me to experience a piece of Easter splendor. But Lent approaches and I must be patient.

Gazing on the Lord by radiant light transfigured, see the pattern of our lives: cross embraced to Easter splendor. Claim the Gospel vision wondrous: we are God’s beloved ones. Claim the transformation promised: destiny of glory! ~Delores Dufner, OSB

Today was brioche day. We have been pre-spring cleaning the past two days, so a comfort bread seemed appropriate to make. I liked making “snowmen” out of dough with large amounts of butter!

Once baked, a few of the “heads” became two heads or seemed to melt into more of a mound than a head. I didn’t care if they didn’t look like the picture in the cookbook because the luscious scent of butter-full fresh bread filled our home, beckoning for us to taste it.

Sometimes I try to recreate things I experienced as a child. Molding dough into shapes reminds me of a project I worked on in second grade. I don’t remember the assignment, but I do remember making balls out of soft store-bought bread and shaping the balls into animals to create a scene. They didn’t always turn out the way I pictured them in my mind, but trusting that there would be “a” good, final outcome was – is – like having faith in God’s will for my life.

I just heard from Dad today. He sent me a paper he wrote and presented over the years on worship and music. In his writing, Dad speaks of Ansel Adams who was trained as a musician, yet became a master photographer. Dad has always loved photography, especially the work of Adams, who brilliantly demonstrates photographic artistry and expression.

As a child, I preferred color in art, but Dad taught me how to see the contrasting definition and beauty in black and white. As the child of a mechanical engineer, I am used to viewing things literally and in an organized fashion. It takes practice to allow the mind to think in a different way. I had a structured idea of what prayer was supposed to be like. The moment I realized prayer could be as simple as lighting a candle to acknowledge God’s presence, I was so relieved.

I believe that, if I am alert and aware, I notice God in all things I see and do. Which means I can pray unceasingly! Pray without ceasing. I Thessalonians 5:17

You don’t make a photograph just with a camera. You bring to the act of photography all of the pictures you have seen, the books you have read, the music you have heard, the people you have loved. ~Ansel Adams

My piano student turned 88 years old today! We had fun with the number 8. She began by recognizing today as the 8th day of the year 2018. I continued by sharing some trivia; there are 88 keys on the piano. Then she was swinging the eighth notes as she played a bit of blues. I admire her courage and impetus to learn a new instrument so late in life. Her husband constantly tells me how playing the piano brings her abundant joy.

Joyful music leads us sunward in the triumph song of life. ~Henry van Dyke

When our children were young, one child in particular frequently became overstimulated at places like the mall. The experience was overwhelming with so many things to see, hear, taste and smell.

I become overstimulated even as an adult. I’ve been working hard at focusing, especially when practicing the organ. If my mind wanders I might insert the wrong registration, inviting the organ to produce unintended sounds. This is especially embarrassing during worship. Being mindful of each note helps me concentrate so the music can support worshippers in glorifying God.

When I pray or listen to scripture I usually close my eyes. Blocking out sight helps to avoid visual distractions so I can more clearly focus on listening to God. Discovering and practicing centering prayer has given me a sense of peace that lives with me wherever I am. This peace is God.

Simple food. I love and wonder about many things including chocolate (all kinds but mostly dark), tea, heritage wheat, cheese, wine, maple syrup, and good coffee. (Okay, so those of you who know me are now saying, “But she never drinks coffee.” Well…on occasion I do appreciate a good cup). Environmental factors affect a crop’s phenotype and character. I have much to learn about terroir, but over the years experimenting with various crops and ingredients I greatly appreciate the complexity of their life sources and growth.

Simple life. The more I wonder about creation the more simply I desire to live. Reflecting on my life, I can see how my experiences have shaped my character. Life is complex. If I focus on God and keep him in the center, life becomes simpler. And I feel nearer to the heart of God.

This is how some monks describe the monastic life; falling down and getting back up, over and over again. Obedience and discipline are not easy.

I recently spoke with someone who is having great results on a weight loss plan, yet recent progress seems to have slowed down and she is not seeing any changes. As a Benedictine oblate I took vows of obedience to pray several times daily. Being faithful to God can be difficult, especially when we don’t always see the results. Through prayer my interior self changes; this I know after years of practicing discipline and holding onto faith. I am constantly falling down and getting back up.

Faith is important because without it I may not be fully motivated. I keep motivated by sharing my story with friends and family; allowing them to support and encourage me. We need each other. When I don’t notice results it’s important for me to remember that God mysteriously works in ways not always visible. God picks me up when I fall down and is always here for me, but I must also be here with God.

As a music major I was required to take theory classes. I am quite sure theory is not the reason I love music, and I still find it fascinating that our daughter chose to major in music theory and composition.

Doubtful that I intentionally left off the detailed analysis of chromatic third harmony pictured above, seeing the colorful red marks I obviously missed several other parts of the assignment. At the bottom of the page my professor remarked, “Only because it is so successful musically can I overlook (this time only!) the omission of analysis…this should be developed into a larger piece.” Although humbled and grateful for his remarks I moved on with no interest in pursuing his suggestion of taking composition lessons.

Twenty years later, while creating A Tapestry of Uncommon Prayer: A weaving of scripture, art and music, I uncovered this long forgotten assignment. I pondered the harmonies and my professor’s remarks for months. After Tapestry, I knew where God was leading me next; a similar program, but this one a service of worship reflecting Jesus’ life and how our lives are newly created through Christ. Life Revealed: A Pilgrimage through Poetry, Music and Art, depicts our journey with Christ through the church season. Eager to begin, I started work on this new program immediately.

Rediscovering these nine measures of composition, the music spoke to me of the mystery and presence of God and the Holy Spirit. For three years I expanded and revised it into a composition for choir, piano, violin and cello. Musicians were gathered and it was performed as part of Life Revealed. I do not consider myself a composer, nor do I understand how or why I wrote this music. I do know that as I worked relentlessly God must have written the notes through my heart.

I’ve been infusing vodka, bourbon and other spirits with Madagascar vanilla beans over the years. I just treated myself to a new kind of bean from Papua New Guinea, and I’m excited to experiment with this Tahitian variety. Having baked most of my life, vanilla extract is a staple in my pantry. Making my own vanilla has brought a new dimension to my baking; infusing everything I bake with love.

At times I feel like a sponge eager to soak up nourishment from God. God always answers, but not always when or in the ways I expect. The vanilla beans and vodka I prepared today will become a rich amber extract in a few months. Although the ingredients are simple, time and patience bring out its fullness. I nurture the mixture by shaking the jars daily then wait for the emulsion to thoroughly transform. That’s similar to how I feel God’s presence in my life; deeply infused by the Holy Spirit.